Vision

Finished up Lee's Army today and the march of literary progress continues:  Roth's Portnoy's Complaint, and is often the case, words cannot describe its awesomeness.

Went to the OC today after Mass (Fr. Eric had a nice sermon, but if his explication of The Lord's Prayer is correct -- and there is not reason as to why it is not -- I am seriously fucked.  But I digress.) and lo and behold, there is NO food.  I was going to ask if we had an order placed, and we do, but it is about $3,200, which is more than we budgeted for in a month, and, well, that comes out of the December rush.  I suspect the numbers were high, which is good -- we are helping people -- but also bad, because if we are busy now, it will be hell later on.  Oi.  I of course handle all the queries, so I have all of the onus but none of the responsibility.  And, to top it off, HQ called Friday with a bunch of things about tax IDs, addresses, changing the checkbook, and other policies.  I suspect that the changes will require my knowing about them, but have very little practical effect, but one never knows.

As those of you who read my facebook page (more seriously, who IS reading this blog?  Sometimes I wonder.), I finished up "Angels in America."  It was pretty crappy.  To be sure, I don't have a lot of identity going on...I guess I was a little disappointed in the ending; the AIDS-riddled character tells his bf -- who left him and cheated on him -- that he will always love him, but that he won't take him back.  To be sure, I would have said much the same, but there is some part of me -- cheesy romantic, maybe -- that was sad, as...well, that is the thing about true and total love (and it requires two)...that even if you are hurt by someone, the whole part of unconditional love is that you do take them back, much as they tolerate your failings.  But not me.  If there is ONE thing I have learned in my time, it is that I am cold and hard and mean, and I really do NOT (two relationships, failed, as evidence) tolerate any failings.  I say I do, but I do not...and while I say now I wouldn't be that way if there is a next time, well, self-deception is the easiest of all types.  That is why I am single...and why I will stay that way. On the one hand, it's completely depressing, but, as I like to say, I brought it on myself, so I really cannot complain about the outcome.  But it gnaws and gnaws and gnaws, and at my age, you just run out of chances.